Dear Future Boyfie…

To the next guy who falls in love with me,

My scars have faded, emotionally and physically. My smile is brighter. My laugh is louder. My heart beats harder. I’m free. Sometimes I might bite my lips too hard and cause them to bleed or I chew my nails too much because it calms me down. I still have anxiety attacks. I still have random breakdowns when everything gets to be too much. I still cry over my ex sometimes. He was my first love, can you blame me? In the beginning I kept looking for him in everyone else. But now I don’t. Every one is different and no one could  be compared to him. I’ll love him, but I won’t be in love with him again.

If you happen to fall in love with me, you’re in for a ride. You’re falling in love with the way I’m too clingy or way too distant. You’re falling in love with my body as if it’s the only masterpiece in a museum. You’re falling in love with my curves. You’re falling in love with the lullabies I sing for you.  You’re Falling in love with the child in me. You’re falling in love with my giggles and laughs. You’re falling in love with my messy hair. You’re falling in love with my moans from kissing my neck. You’re falling in love with my harsh side. You’re falling in love with my past. You’re falling in love with my fears. You’re falling in love with my stubbornness. You’re falling in love with the way I eat. You’re falling in love with the way I breathe. You’re falling in love with the way you can talk about all the scars on my body and tell each person how I got them.

You’re falling in love with me as a best friend. You’re falling in love with me as a lover. You’re falling in love with me and only me.

To the next guy who falls in love with me, Love me right or don’t love me at all.